EST. 2014
Colorado Springs, CO USA

My Toilet Paper Story

Do you have a Toilet Paper Story? I want to hear yours! It’s been so hard getting freaking necessities these days, I’m sure it’s resulted in funny and some not so pleasant stories. 🧻

Here’s my story: The weekend before the mad rush of everyone buying every leaf, loaf and roll, I had decided, “Oh I have enough #tp to get through one more week.” Then once that week was up – every store and their gramma was OUT. Oh no, I whisper to myself.

Wednesday, I hit up 4 stores. Thursday, I try 3 more stores (earlier in the day) and call maybe 5 stores. Friday I am determined. I wake up at 6 am. Warm up and de-snow my car then head to King Soopers, which opened at 7am. 6:50 am, I am heading to the door to hear they have begun Senior hours that day.

So close! I wait patiently one more hour, hoping, praying to the tp gods that they can spare me a square. 7:55am I am now waiting in line with maybe 25 or 30 other youngins trying to get in. Our eyes set on seeking that soft quilted absorbent sheet to caress our souls and our butts…

8am is here! We nearly all march single filed and orderly straight down the paper goods isle. I am so close I can smell the cottony lint. I can now see what is left. I hear god whispering in my ear, “Today, Meredith… Today is your day.” With only 6 people in front of me now, I see there are 15, maybe more plastic wrapped bundles of white rolled gold.

“Praise Baby Jesus!” I yell out in pure elation as a single tear gathers in the corner of my eye. I snatch calmly a 12 pack of Cottenelle. Whispering sweet nothings into the package I gather a few last items to get me through the weeks to come and together, we depart the store.

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