5 Reasons Why I’d Love & Hate Living in StoryBrooke (Once Upon a Time)

Once Upon a Time is an enchanting series currently airing on ABC.

There was an enchanted forest filled with all the classic fairy tale characters we know and love… until a curse trapped them in a place called Storybrooke. After the curse was broken, new dangers, magical forces, and exciting worlds have continued to emerge. – abc.com

*So let's say to start this scenario you are just some peasant living in some small unimportant village. You have heard of Snow White, the Evil Queen and all those other heroes and villains, but your life is essentially untouched by their dramas. 

Now let’s go over 5 reasons why living in Storybrooke is both totally awesome AND horrifically terrible.

Let’s start with the good!

1. Health – Besides the initial enchantment of time standing still, your natural lifespan just doubled. There is a hospital down the street chock full of immunizations and sweet, sweet healthcare. Tired of dirty water? Try bottled! Tired of dysentery? Stop by Granny’s and enjoy some e.coli-free chicken wings! Thank you!
2. Plumbing – Remember how much fun it was to dig a hole to do your business in? Nothing was better than bathing in 40 degree water running down in a peaceful stream on a crisp autumn morn, right! Wrong!! As the Author made clear at the end of season 4, it is preferable to live among  porcelain treasures such as a toilet. Would you give up the chance for a hot shower?
3. Job Security – When you were poof’d into Storybrooke, you were given a job. Maybe you work at Ganny’s as a server, or at the Pharmacy with Sneezy, or some other little place on the edge of town. No matter, it was one that was given to you without the need for a resume or awkward interview. Of course there is a chance you hate it, but once your memory is returned, at least now you have some job experience and are well on your way to moving on up.
4. Technology – Remember when you wanted to ask someone what they were up to this weekend and you had to set up your horse and travel into town and hunt down that person? Try throwing them a text on your mobile device. Instead of asking the local wizard what weather to expect, google it. Bored? Watch that magic tv box, it is awesome! Running low on sugar? Drive your car on over to the grocery store and pick me up some ice cream while you are at it. 😉
5. Location, Location, Location – You live in a small seaside town now! Did you know hanging out on a beach is a really great idea, always? Instead of having to grind wheat into flour just to have some bread, pick up a burger to go, and pick a bench overlooking your favorite spot of the ocean. Tired of the water? Take a hike in the lush forest that also borders this visually stunning town. It sure beats watching the fires of burning villages from recent pillaging in the distance.

All the perks seem really great, but it’s when the heroes and villains start mucking things up and adding magic into a world that has none, that it really starts to turn your life upside down.

Now, here are the 5 reasons I would not want to live in Storybrooke.

1. Constant Memory Loss – So at first, your memories are wiped and replaced with your new identity as a United States, Maine citizen. Not too shabby, you had no prior run-ins with the Evil Queen, so your life is not so bad. Then you get your memories back, no problem, we can adjust. And then again you get transported, out of no where, back to the enchanted forest for a year, then back to StoryBrooke with more memory loss of the past year. This tends to happen, and/or is threatened more times than any innocent bystander would appreciate. It just might wear on you after a while.
2. Monarchy – Madam Mayor has been mayor for over 30 years, and this is a kind of town no other government is taken into account. Federal and State laws have no effect. People have literally committed murder and were set free because they were sorry, or because there were other things going on. No harm, no foul? These people are constantly in and out of this universe, the remaining population is pretty much screwed.
3. Villains – They are freaking all over this place. So far, in the 4+ years living your own life and minding your own business, you have had to deal with the Dark One, the Evil Queen, Pan, Cora, the Ice Queen, the Wicked Witch, Maleficent, Ursula, Cruella DeVil, another couple Dark Ones… to name a few. Not to mention demons and monkeys and minions… Even some of the good guys turn to the dark side. You can’t hardly travel down the street without running into some sort of evil, and you better hope not to become an innocent bystander.
4. Anxiety – Imagine you are enjoying a nice night off, watching this mystical box of entertainment and your peace is interrupted by a shake and burst of light booming out of some barn somewhere. Is it the end? Or perhaps a cloud of glass shards engulfs you with rage and you find yourself hitting your neighbor upside the head with a toaster. What was that all about!? If one more cloud of transportation or earthquake or tornado rolls down the street… My sensibility will fly out the window, maybe even by a freaking flying monkey. Doctor Hopper must be one busy man.
5. Trapped – Thanks to the internet you discover the great world you have been bestowed upon, but crap, you can’t leave. Just by trying to leave the border you either loose your true memories, get in a car crash, get impaled by ice, are unable to ever return, turn into a tree…etc. So much for your savings account to Disney World, you are totally screwed my friend.

Stability is what most people look for, whether or not you originally come from the Enchanted Forest some good ol’ small town, USA. It pretty much boils down to consistent impending doom in Storybrooke, and you couldn’t even relocate if you tried. Although, living in the now would be a step up from living in medieval conditions.

Which would you prefer?